Tag Archives: writer’s block

writer’s block

15 Aug

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.”
– C.S Lewis

This blog is going to suck, as the title may have tipped you off. I’m feeling uninspired, a bit annoyed and just incredibly frustrated with myself. I haven’t written a poem in almost 3 months, at least not a decent one, every time I start to write any sort of prose it’s stupid and cliche, and just plain bad. Blogs are the only thing I’ve been writing, other than an all too personal letter that I just sent off without thinking twice (the letter is the cause of the frustration with myself). But writers, since some of you reading this must be writers, you know that awful feeling that is writer’s block.
To me, it’s like being sick. Due to the fact that I have a terrible immune system, I’m sick an awful lot, and it’s hell. I get chills, then I’m sweaty and hot and clammy and nasty. I have headaches, throat aches that make me want to cry and awful chest coughs that last far too long and disrupt any class I’m in at the time. Oh, and I get a runny nose. Writer’s block for me is quite similar. I start out at nice temperature, then things slowly get frostier and then things get warmer too fast and then I start tossing and turning, or in the writing sense, pressing the delete button, typing, delete, type. Symptoms of writer’s block also include headaches, but the sore throat comes in the form of wrist cramps, the chest cough a pinky that always locks up after being used for typing for too long. And the runny, gooey snot nose comes in the form of self-hatred and constant bullying from the voices in my head. (Some of them yell at me in German.)
Now, if that poorly executed metaphor didn’t tip you off to the fact that I’m creatively stifled, I don’t know what will. Photography hasn’t grasped my interest enough lately, not to mention my camera sucks/ is broken. Prose really isn’t working out too well, and I can’t organize my feelings to write a poem. But apparently my writer’s block could be put on hold to write a stupid letter. Stupid letter. gr. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

WHERETHEDUCKSGO

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feeling uninspired and other needless rambling

5 Aug

“I am giving up on half empty glasses, and I am giving up on greener grasses”
-“Giving Up” Ingrid Michaelson

Now, I have had a creative block for a very very long time. I don’t count NaNoWriMo as a creative activity, I count that as an obligation. I don’t count the poems I write, however good people may tell me they are, as creative periods either. All I get is random spurts of creativity, or on occasion I can force something good out of me, but lately this has not happened. Lately (and by lately, I mean once a month to once every few months), I open a word document, type up a page of a story, love it, go back to it the next day and hate it and stop writing. If I try to write a poem, I can’t force anything out, which is usually how my poetry writing goes, by Force. But I can’t force myself to write anything good.
Maybe I need to change my form of creativity. Maybe I need a change of scenery, a change of people, but it is obvious I need a change. What I’m getting at here is that I’m up for change. (I am in no way trying to rip off Obama’s Change campaign. I just like to EMPHASIZE)  I am not someone who avoids change, on the contrary, I thrive on it. I like new things, like my new room, new clothing, my new ipod, things that stick with me and are involved in my life daily, but seem small. Something simple like the my room changing color has changed a lot of things; like one, I don’t feel like I’m living in a cave anymore. Or the fact that my love sex life, is changing as time passes and new people come into my life. But the little changes aren’t doing it for me. I need big change. Monumental change. Good or bad, pretty or ugly. As awful and selfish as it is to say, I wouldn’t mind bad change because it might strike something creative in me.
The only thing I feel these days is this dense depression that seems to weigh me down and screw me up more than anything. I feel like I’m back to this time last year, except this time I don’t have my best friend. To be completely honest, I don’t know what is going on with me. The only thing I seem to want to do all the time is either cry or scream,or both,  and the last time that happened, it didn’t help me in any way. So I guess I’ll just sit here, and wait patiently for a shift in the ground beneath me.

WHERETHEDUCKSGO

i’m a lazy blogger

23 Oct

fish

Now, i know what you’re thinking, you’re not a blogger. And you’re right! I’m not a real blogger, but i want to change that. And yeah, i know, i’ve said this before and i meant it more those times, but i know myself and i would like to give you some new insight on me too. When i feel ambitious about things, i tend to abandon them and not care because i’m so excited about them. Or, i’ll try to do something and lose confidence because nobody cares what i’m doing. Which, is more or less why i am obsessively on twitter and dailybooth, because they don’t take much effort and i have people following me there. But i think that i might actually try to update my blog more because it is hard for me to blog; due to (give or take) a year of severe writers block. And yes, blogging is writing, to me at least. Because it is writing it scares me, so i avoid it like it’s an angry skunk ready to blow. But I did buy a $1200 computer and i love the sound of keys crackling under my energetic and alive fingers, instead of the idle hands watching episodes of Glee i’ve seen several times on Hulu. So, since i never have plans anymore and i never really do homework anyways, i might start blogging regularly. Meaning every-other day or a few times a week. looking forward to be back soon!

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