Tag Archives: random

random musings

5 Dec

I’ve always been the kind of person that hated people. Well, at least since I was about 13, I had a strong dislike for people and being around them. I didn’t like being in big groups, or even having anyone over or going to a friend’s house. I hated it. But now… now I’ve discovered that I don’t hate people. I want to be around people almost all the time. I want to be around the guy I am in serious like with, have him wrapped around me in more than just the physical sense. I want to be around my wonderful friends that write beautiful prose, or the ones that make beautiful films. I want to be around my friends who argue with me about silly things, or have long interesting discussions about what’s going on in the world. I want to be around the people who listen to music and get up to dance and sing. I love being around people who can carry on an intelligent or interesting or thought-provoking conversation. I love being able to walk around a college campus with some of my best friends, dressed well, and belting out A Very Potter Musical, while it snows. I love being able to hug someone or hold someone’s hand, whether they are a casual friend or a close friend or a boyfriend. I just… well…to quote Jenny Mellor;

ā€œ… Iā€™m going to talk to people who know lots about lots.ā€



marriage, love, commitment, etc.

6 Jun

There’s no combination, no words I can put on that back of a postcard.”
– Jack Johnson “Better Together”

So, since I wrote about sex, I thought I’d write about some other sort of relationship. So… to start, marriage. Two people fall in love, become obsessed and decide to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. Now, I don’t know any statistics but already the “spending their whole lives together” does not apply to all (probably most) couples. Divorces and annulments were created for the exact purpose to get out of spending the rest of your life with someone. So here is my opinion, theory, what have you, on marriage. I believe that some people that get married can stay together and survive anything. I believe that EVERYONE has the right to prove that theory. I also believe that many people get married after either a short amount of time or a long amount of time, still in the honeymoon period and still madly in love. I believe they can stay this way for a while, until after the first kid, after the first Big Problem and then the split happens. For me, I don’t think marriage is something that will ever happen. Not because I don’t think anyone will ever want to marry me (but that has a little to do with it), but because I do not want to spend my entire life with the same person. I find people so ridiculously interesting, and sticking with one person seems like I would be missing out and not experiencing someone else’s interesting-ness.

Love. I believe in love. I am the hopeless Christian in Moulin Rouge “above all else I believe in love”. Which, for the most part is true. I want to fall in love more than anything, and I want someone to fall in love with me. I want to experience it like so many other people have, and I want to know what all the fuss is about. But none of that is going to happen anytime soon; I’m too young and the people I like are too unattainable and I honestly have no interest in being in love with them, but in the future… maybe. But I honestly cannot see myself falling in love or being in love. I can imagine it and wish for it, but I can’t see it actually happening, which is why I hope it does, because then it will be like nothing I’ve ever known.
Commitment. Now, this will, naturally involve what I think crosses and does not cross the fine line of what cheating is or is not. Commitment to me is pretty much synonymous to “faithful”, so here is my definition of cheating: Flirting, hugging another girl/guy, or hanging out with an ex is NOT cheating (crazy paranoid girlfriends. Calm the fuck down). Where it gets a little sticky? Kissing to me is blurry, could be heat of the moment, someone could really have meant it or whatever, but I guess I don’t consider kissing someone other than your boyfriend/girlfriend cheating. Sex is cheating, even if it’s meaningless. And that goes for left hand shame that isn’t solo, anything involving the words “oral” and “sex” in that order, and just plain old fashion sex. That to me, is cheating. My opinion on cheating? It honestly wouldn’t bother me too much if someone cheated on me. It might, but I honestly have such a low opinion of myself I would fake being okay with it just to stay with the person. I could easily grin and bear it, pretend that I know they won’t do it again or whatever, but it would probably bother me. As I said before, cheating wouldn’t really bother me, depending on the person I might not care and I might just move the hell on. But… moving on. I have constantly been told by people who have never dated me and know full well I have never been in a relationship, tell me I have commitment issues. This is mainly because a. I don’t want to get married and b. I don’t want children. I don’t see how the two can really show if I have commitment issues, maybe they just have to do with the fact that I don’t want to stay with someone forever, not because I’m afraid to.

And on that incoherent note,


Dedicated to Annie and Mel