growing pains

18 May

“There’s things you need to hear
so turn off your tears
and listen.”

“The Heart of Life” -John Mayer

So, this year has been one of the most significant years of my life, at least I would say that now. I have experienced the most family problems I’ve ever had, I’ve learned what it’s like to lose a friend to a boy, I was a loner/ recluse for a short amount of time, I spent a large amount of time in a deep depression that I was convinced no one would understand or care about in any way. I’ve started to actually make friends online, and become more actively involved in the things I love. I’ve discovered that maybe creative writing isn’t the only thing I want to do, that maybe marketing or advertising would be what I would want to do with my life. I’ve met some of the most interesting, entertaining, talented and overall fantastic people this year. (NOTE: by this year, I mean this school year.)
What does all of this have to do with the title? I’m changing; more so, I’m growing up. Little by little, day by day, I am noticing I am able to handle things more maturely and eloquently than myself a few months ago, or even my peers. The purpose of this blog, or reason for it, is because my dad has said to me countless times this year “you need to grow up”. Now, my dad has probably said this to me hundreds of times in the past, but this year was the only time those words actually affected me. It had become glaringly obvious that I was acting immature and juvenile about a lot of things. Like, for example, one of the times my dad told me to grow up was when I would come home cranky every day, cry about one little thing or throw some sort of fit about something stupid. Although at the time I was severely depressed, I was able to tell that I was acting stupid, childish and irrational. So, I began to change, I wouldn’t throw fits so quickly, I stopped balling my eyes out and I just started being more rational and mature about things that upset me and pissed me off.
The new friends I’ve made are either a year or two older than me, to about 6 or 7 years older than me, and they have all said that it is easy to forget how young I am while talking to me. A good amount of them said that I am more mature than most people my age, that I can carry on a conversation better than people my age, and (in some cases) better than people their age. (side note: These friends may not be reliable sources. One of them said the only reason they forget how young I am is because my boobs are bigger than hers.) Another thing I have noticed about myself is that I’ve grown up enough to be able to handle things a lot better. For example, a teacher in one of my classes is notorious for shooting me down, implying things about me that are inappropriate and completely out of line, but if I complain about it, I reserve it for after class to a few friends who will sympathize with me, and then I move on (or complain here. or on twitter. or dailybooth. and so on). But a friend of mine, who has not been shot down nearly as much as I have, complained so much about one incident in which she did not get her opinion out, so that our principle heard and “reprimanded ” our teacher so he felt the need to address the class about misconceptions.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve “grown up”, I’m not saying I’m completely mature. I still talk back to my parents, I still have fits on occasion, and I still overreact about small things. I still get involved in situations that I know will turn out badly, I still let myself get hurt. But, even though I’m not a “grown up” yet, I’m getting there.



SOUNDTRACK: Glee and The Heart of Life by John Mayer

This blog is dedicated to Mike Lombardo.


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