it’s that time of year again…

1 Sep

All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.


It’s September 1st; the leaves are changing, the air is getting colder and JC Penny has been running their back to school ads for almost a month.It’s back to school time, the cops are crawling around college towns and local businesses are booming because they’ve got the deal on free personalization for underwear or the best backpacks in town. So while you’re at Walmart trying to decide whether you like college or wide ruled paper or at the mall with your parents arguing over the fact that you can wear jeans everyday, think about all the fun this stuff is for.

Writing pad and pen Pictures, Images and Photos

1. Think back to last year: tests, quizzes,projects and that mountain of homework that is almost the same size as the headache it causes. Just think: you’re going back to those restful and peaceful Sundays that involve glue and colored pencils set to the soundtrack of “Procrastinators” by  Tomorrow the Project is Due (COPYRIGHTED!) and the late night reruns of the sitcom everyone knows,  You Still Have Other Homework with the dubbed laughter of teachers that don’t have any interest in what they’re teaching. now that you’ve remembered that Sunday’s the day of rest, go to Walmart’s coffee department and stock up. It’s gonna be a late night.

2. Back to school dances. The beginning of the year junior class fundraiser dance advertising DJ Skoolz Kool and the fact that it’s going to be a fun year because one dance has a somewhat decent DJ. Go with friends and be in one of the following groups.

Group A: Girls gyrating against other girls to bad rap music , just to get attention from guys that think they can get the gyrating girls because they followed the tired fashion of low slung pants and a popped collar. Don’t hook up with anyone but convince themselves they had fun because they “hung with their homies.”

Group B: (lifetime membership!) The nerdy or non-dance goers that got dragged to the dance by a friend. Get really bored about five minutes in and think about how it is cool that the music creates vibrations through the floor but that is quite quickly canceled out by the thudding reminder of full level bass in your ears. Sit in the corner for the rest of the dance lost in thoughts while the concerned girls who think they’re doing a kind act by coming over to see if you’re alright. (or is that just personal experience?)

Group C: The happy and sexually exuberant couple that sits in the corner for the five hours of the dance making out and spreading hormones in a sweaty and crowded teen filled gymnasium. Use protection.

Group D: The friends that helped form group B.

Group E: The couples, or people that want to go to the dance to…have fun?

3. Teachers. Now there are three types of teachers.

Type One: Teachers that actually like what they’re teaching and are good at teaching it because of it.
Type One A: Teachers that actually like what they teach and are bad at teaching it because of it.
Type One B: Teachers that used to like what they teach but don’t anymore.

Type 2: Teachers that only teach what they do because they’re good at it.

Type 3: (mypossiblefucture)english Teachers that teach because they can’t do.

Type 4: Teachers that were once good but then got tenure and started to suck.

Type 5: ( the teachers i seem to get) grumpy, sleeping, dopey and the other seven dwarfs. (spoiler alert!)

4. And last but not least, the general first day anxiety. New students wondering where everything is and sitting alone at lunch. Everyone seeing friends they haven’t seen in months, paperwork thrown at you, class-intro lectures and lockers not opening. Just think: this is the first day of the rest of your life.

So, if you have yet to start school, scream at the top of your lungs, text with your phone above waist level and with the ringtone on, blast your music and swear like a sailor on leave, because in a short while, all of that means a detention. So enjoy your freedom before locked up in the taxpayers children’s jail.

peace and love.

P.S to help get you into the back to school mood i’ve listed some videos below.


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